The appointment with the OBGYN is over sooner than she thought it would be. Not that Molly wanted it to last for so long; it was hard enough to not plunge into the woman's mind during the tests and the talk, and even harder not to simply demand to know everything then and there. And she could have done both; even if she could barely grasp onto the words, the simple feelings projected, the analytical workings of the woman's mind didn't reassure her.

But it was over. Exam done, discussion had and now the only thing she could do now was wait for whatever results, conclusions could be drawn from what she gave. None of it had been easy to get, and even looking over the details made Molly's head pound.

None of it was good. None of it made her forget the smell of sterile hospital when she'd woken up all those years ago, none of it gave her the ability to sort through her fragmented, drug hazed memories. If anything, as she toed her feet out of her shoes, and made her way to the bathroom, it made it worse. The stray thoughts she picked up, what little she could understand made her upset.

She should call someone. Talk to Adam; he knew what was going on. Xander at least should know; he was helping her. Maybe call her Aunt Julia, and let her knock some sense into her. Saesha, even, who could make her feel better. There was even a temptation to tell Lainey. Have the big sister fantasy that Molly knew she could never have.

Except, she couldn't. Sharing anything about this, about Teddy, never seemed to do anything except make things worse. Regurgitate pain for days on end, lock her in a loop she felt she couldn't climb out of.

Molly was tired of it.

So she turns her phone off, locks her doors, and turns on her showers. Lets the powers do it for her, turning the knob hotter and hotter until her skin turns pink and then red beneath the water. Makes her stop thinking about the dark line on her abdomen or the stretchmarks on her stomach and breasts that go along with it. Makes her shoulders relax and presses her forehead against the cool tile, toes curling and uncurling.

Ten minutes in, and the water goes off. She towels herself off and with a blink, the television turns on as she gets dressed. Nothing too fancy, not in this weather: just warm, comfy sweatpants, and a shirt that she doesn't think Adam remembers leaving when they'd broken up all those years ago. It's a better choice to wear this over the old high school sweatshirt that she knows is tucked in her closet, or to find Teddy's blanket. Those would just lead to tears.

She lingers for a moment, though, before pulling down the rabbit. Her fingers stroke the fur, and she allows herself the room to breathe, and press her nose into the head. It smells like the cabin, still, and she pushes hard against the heat pressing against her eyes.

three breathes in and molly is able to turn, pull on the warmest socks she can. She takes a seat on the couch, legs folded beneath her, letting the images flash before her, lighting up the dark of the apartment. The remote feels heavy in her hand, and.. she could sink into it this. Keeping the television on something mindless and maybe get ice cream and a beer to go with it.

instead she shuts the tv off with another blink. turns the heat up, and crawls into bed. breathes, eyes closed, sinking her fingers into the rabbit pressed against her chest. breathes in old memories, lets it simply happen. the warmth of her apartment eventually sinks into her, and she knows that she won't sleep easy and she won't dream well. but she will sleep. she will dream. and it will be something, at least. tomorrow would be better, and the results would come, in time. she had to cling onto that, if nothing else.